Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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