Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I bet he comes in French.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
