in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He passed out mid-signature
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
