You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
