Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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