FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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