I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
