i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When are your genitals available?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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