He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
