i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
