you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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