the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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