Already got asked if we're dating
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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