Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
