garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Someone shit on the floor
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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