My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish you could order shots online.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
