I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
