Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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