Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
