he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
