You smell like stripper and shame
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
