I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
