i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do herpes really smell.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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