omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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