Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
