You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
