Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
