I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize