somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
