'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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