Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
