hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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