Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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