I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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