Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
