I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
