Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
