you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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