turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
