Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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