party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
