Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
