yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
