perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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