i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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