not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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