insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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