i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
