i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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