Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
