gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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