you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
