i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
