my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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