I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
