Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Say something about gay babies.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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