we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
