Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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