dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
