Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
