I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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