CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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