apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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