I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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