you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
