Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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