Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
