I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
