I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have post one night stand depression
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
