Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
please don't ironically join a cult
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