when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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