i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
