PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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