I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
