My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize