I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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